Tuesday, December 22, 2009

It's that time of year...

Henri and I made the drive from Austin to Houston - with 4 animals. With the dog cage, two cat carriers, and accounting for NY clothes, we just barely fit everything in the car. Parka meowed the ENTIRE three and a half hours (which should have been two and a half, but there was traffic, then impatient Henri, then a quite scenic route involving our GPS TomTom and out-of-date maps... oops). But it's definitely worth it to see my mom, Josh, and Henri's family.

Last night we visited our friend from high school/junior high. He just moved from California and bought a house in Austin. It's well built and quite amazing. AND he and his girlfriend can park their cars in the garage. Since they have real jobs, they have had the opportunity to become wine snobs, and so we had a little wine tasting party at their new house. Well, they wine tasted, and Henri and I wine gulped. That's how we roll. I have to admit, Henri and I are a tad jealous. We are both getting post-graduate degrees so we can "pursue our dreams" or whatever. Our friend just told us to throw in the towel and sell our souls to a corporation. Haha. It's tempting, but I think I can deal living in Bryan, TX for 3.5 more years next to my drunk white trash neighbors, and studying 24/7. Torturing yourself for a good cause always has a happy ending. And Henri and I will be so, so much happier when we buy a house in 5 years than if we bought one now. Side note: my friend got an undergrad degree in computer science, while mine is in biology. I probably couldn't even get a job right now, much less afford a house, if I had taken the other route. :) Plus, eventually my job will be saving animals; who can argue with that?

Saturday, December 19, 2009


I guess the title "making bad choices during the day" would be more appropriate. I got mad at Henri because I thought he was being a dude, so I slept from 6-11 pm and now here I am. It's 3 am and I can't sleep and I have to wake up at 6:30 to go to work. Thus is life.

Today I worked at Emancipet for the first time in almost a year. They have moved into a new building and it is very nice. There is even hot water, which I am not quite used to yet. I keep just turning on the freezing cold and then remembering halfway through that I could be having a much more pleasant handwashing experience. Anyway, I had a point... I watched surgery for the first time since I had anatomy. It was really cool to acually know what was going on. I think it was my first true realization that I'm actually going to be a veterinarian in three and a half years. Working also reminds me of how amazingly dedicated the employees are. I understand that almost every vet tech job is going to be mentally and physically challenging, but an Emancipet tech has it a little more difficult. There is absolutely no down time, no time to catch your breath. Speaking with my new classmates, it was interesting to learn that some other clinics are not under this constant high stress environment. I can see why this would cause a high turnover rate for techs, but it also forges an environment where the staff that does work there does an amazing job and has a laudable work ethic. So kudos to you guys, because I'm not sure which is harder - vet school 5 days a week or Emancipet 4 days a week (which is considered full time). Y'all rock my socks off.

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Saturday, December 12, 2009


Finals are over. Somehow I managed to be a B student this semester. I think.

My goal for the next month is to learn how to relax. And be a better planner. For instance, do not invite friends from 4 different social groups to an ADD social environment such as Dave and Buster's. You might have fun but it will leave you anxious and beating yourself up at the end of the night for not having spent enough time with each person. Then you end up taking social planning advice from an antisocial nerd who has no friends because he's too elitist (and he also happens to be your husband, who you love more than anything, and you just hate it when he's right). Oh, the poetry of my life.

So what is it that I am supposed to be working on? I should start a list:

1. Learn how to relax
2. Think before you jump off of a planning bridge with no bungee cord
3. Don't assume things. Talk more than you think you should.
4. Don't leave Ender out of her crate for more than thirty minutes with a full bag of unopened cat litter

Friday, November 27, 2009


This year, we were supposed to go to Corpus Christi for two days for Thanksgiving. But Henri decided he was more interested in vomiting for 6 hours. So instead of Thanksgiving, we had anti-Thanksgiving. At least Henri did. I secretly ate. And slept all day. So we have been sleeping and generally unproductive (in Cypress) for the past two days instead of the traditional holiday. Lots of snuggling has made everything turn out okay.

Whenever I start packing to go on a trip, Kraken realizes that a car trip looms and quickly finds a hiding spot. Usually, I am privy to her scheming, but this time she found a really good hiding spot under my "new" recliner. Although it would not have been impossible to get her out, I decided to let Kraken have a win and let her stay there while we are in Houston. Luckily my awesome friend Kat is checking to make sure she doesn't turn into a pumpkin. Or a stapler.

I always thought that vet school would make me more focused. Like magic. But all that vet school has taught me is that magic doesn't exist, that there is no one magical thing I can do to make all my problems go away. The answer is always hard work. Boo! But vet school has taught me to "find the joy". This semester I have been finding the joy in:
  • my 4! animals
  • my 5th animal (Henri)
  • my vet school "fill-in" friends
  • hearing the whole class WHOOP after "beat the hell outta t.u.," then following up with a singular "hook 'em"
  • actually knowing the definitions of words spoken on the TV show House
  • passing grades (well, except that one Immuno test... and Physio test. oops)
  • studying-induced dementia
  • sangria

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Conquering anxiety...

is a lifelong battle. Of course the therapists would tell me not to fight it, just to accept it and move on. But I'm a really combative person. Guess I'll have to work on that too. By the time I conquer OCD, I'll just be a perfect person all-around.

I never thought that moving or a change of scenery would initiate my concealed panic attacks. I just moved to College Station, and started my first vet school related class, and went from living with Henri to living by myself. I'm a little crazy right now. Now that I think of it, all of my worst obsessional episodes started with a similar change: moving to Austin for undergrad, moving back to Houston for the summer, starting Longhorn Band, studying abroad, moving to Port Aransas. I've always considered myself to be a nomadic person, but apparently moving stresses me out more than I thought. For such an introspective person, I really don't know myself that well. I'm getting better.

One thing that is keeping me human here is Ender. She is becoming a total sweetheart post ovary removal. This morning I put food out for her, but she just sat and stared at me until I laid down and snuggled with her for a few minutes. Then she ate.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Reasons Not to Get a Puppy

(get a dog instead)

1. morning face chomping
2. new ear piercings
3. cat weight loss (from running so much)
4. poop
5. poop
6. poop
7. poop on your backpack
8. urine in your suitcase
9. urine on your backpack
10. urine on your cat tent
11. urine in the bathtub (I can't even be mad about that one)
12. urine on the puppy's face, when she sticks it in another dog's stream
13. your socks are permanently a yellow shade
14. holes in the bottom of every single pair of pants you own
15. your water bowl doubles as a lap pool
16. your toilet bowl doubles as a diving pool
17. you fully understand the reason behind pet deposits
18. your puppy continuously uses the "outdoor button" aka door stop
19. she only uses the bathroom 30% of the time you respond to said button
17. she uses the bathroom inside 100% of the time you don't respond
18. your puppy barks the entire hour of puppy class
19. afterwards, the trainer asks you if you realize what you got yourself into
20. and you have to admit, yes, and we're really that stupid.

or lucky ;)


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A predisposition to fear

Sometime ago, I conquered my fears and asked you to come out with me by lying about chocolates. Then I conquered my fears by chasing you up your roof. For some time I was fearless; being awesome.

Now, I have become afraid again. Perhaps the satellite will not function; I have to go to Houston to fix it, god I hate Houston. Maybe the batteries are going to explode and it won't get on the Shuttle, better worry about that for a while. Okay now the satellite is on the shuttle done with that.

Gotta catch up with making the orbits the best they can be. Can't do that tonight honey I gotta make this 9 dimensional problem find a local minimum so I can show the same uninteresting plot that everyone else has. Done with that, oh another 9 dimensional problem but this time we have to approach it in another way that will improve the results by less than a percentage point. Weee better figure that shit out, oh but the parameters make no real world sense. Oh and do it FORTRAN, the second programming language; written with punch cards in mind. Done with that?

I better start worrying about motivating you to pass your tests. Not passing is a scenario that causes me to lose sleep. You are not motivated and you are scared; I am scared out of my mind. I tell you that its win-win-win situation (don't worry), but its not; its a lose-a-little/lose-way-too-much situation. I better streamline your life for you because that is what I do; I fucking optimize. I streamline; I fucking use semi-colons. I get aero. Why do you not respond to the tactics that would work on me? I am unable to think of any other approach. I better be like the GOPausaur and try the same thing over and over again. Almost there, 54 points left to go. Less afraid, still afraid. Irrational fear.

I got 1 week to go before I can be happy again, because then I won't have anything to worry about; except the next thing to worry about, that worries me. Maybe I should be the one on Prozac?

Througout my life I have had a significant predisposition to fear. I have feared the most stupid of things. Irrational stupid things that make me ashamed because it makes no sense for someone like me, brain the size of a planet, to fear something so dumb. So what can I do? I have made a couple posters infront of my computer that say harden the fuck up, but thats not the fucking problem. I am too hard, because I am scared stiff.

In my dreams my life consists of waking up early, riding my bike for a couple hours, going to work, making brilliant break throughs, a significant thesis that justifies my wage. I come home and sweep you off your feet by being the person I decided to be when I would just get the chance to be with someone like you.

Right now, I am not achieveing my goals. I have been uninspired to fight my fears. I have crawled down and streamlined so that I can achieve the bare minimum acceptable goals with the minimum effort. Coffee makes me brave occasionally, but that does not last. I need a bigger engine, a bigger heart.

Right now I am a facade. How can I become fearless again?

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


You're always working and you hate it.
I'm never working and I hate it.

You never want to play,
I always want to play.

You're always frustrated.
I'm always frustrated.
At least we have something in common.

When you come home, I want to play
but you are always focused on something else.
I thought making dailykos go away might make that something me.
but now it's your program.

maybe it's just that I stopped taking my medicine
but I am sad and a little afraid.
when do we get to be happy when we come home at night? will it change when we start working?
or is this what happiness is supposed to be?
it's not to me.
I miss you.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

How is married life?

I get that question a lot. Honestly, I put into a circular file along with "Are you excited about the wedding?", "Your big day is coming up!", "It's whatever YOU want", "It's your day!" and "Congratulations!". Not that I blame anyone. Before I got married I asked the same questions in an attempt to show interest or make someone feel special. But once it starts happening to you, you start hearing the same questions over and over again until they just start to sound like "wah wah wah" Charlie Brown, you know. Now that I've been through it, I like to ask a prospective bride bizarre, entertaining, or personal questions - of course depending on our relationship - anything that's not about the wedding. Because if she's like me, the last thing on her mind is the wedding. Perhaps she's thinking about the injured foster kitten at home that's near death, or how much she has to study in order to pass her next biochem test, or what she should write about on her vet school application, or what she's going to do in the off chance she doesn't get into vet school (don't worry, she does). She's thinking about life, which revolves around her, and her significant other. Not the wedding. Don't get me wrong, it's important. But we've pretty much been married before we said I love you the first time. It's in the way we treat each other. Not the wedding colors, or the cake, or the type of bustle on the dress. It's us. And we are way cooler than a wedding. So be brave, ask me a harder or stranger or more entertaining question. I love a challenge.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Death and Destruction

I almost ran over a blind person today. I was driving down W. Anderson going about 40 mph and I saw a presumably blind person being led by her cute dog. I was thinking while slowing a bit, wouldn't it be terrible if that dog led her into traffic... and it started to right before I went past. I slammed on my brakes and honked my horn. The sound of the horn made the woman jump out of the way. Scared the shit out of me. I felt most sorry for the dog for almost being the cause of it's companion's death. Something wrong with me I guess.

And now some obligatory foster kitten pictures, to lighten the mood...

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Poor Kraken

I have been riding my bike pretty much non stop. I am exhausted so there's warning that this post may be scatterbrained.

Our poor little sea monster has kitty herpes. So this means we have to keep little kittens away from her. Don't worry, humans are immune. But poor little Kraken can't have any more friends to beat up on. We'll just have to save big kitties from now on. (Shh, Henri hasn't quite come to terms with it yet. It's a soft spot).

I think a profession involving four legged beings is what fits me. Now I just have to convince the A&M interviewing committee of that on Tuesday. Please send positive brain energy my way.

The other day was the first in eight years where they didn't euthanize ANY CATS at Town Lake Animal Center. Being a part of the solution forgives all transgressions. And I love that my inbox is cluttered with people wanting to make the world a better place for animals. Thank you EmanciPet, AustinPetsAlive!, and all the other Austin organizations that are striving to end the insanity.