Break

Finals are over. Somehow I managed to be a B student this semester. I think.

My goal for the next month is to learn how to relax. And be a better planner. For instance, do not invite friends from 4 different social groups to an ADD social environment such as Dave and Buster's. You might have fun but it will leave you anxious and beating yourself up at the end of the night for not having spent enough time with each person. Then you end up taking social planning advice from an antisocial nerd who has no friends because he's too elitist (and he also happens to be your husband, who you love more than anything, and you just hate it when he's right). Oh, the poetry of my life.

So what is it that I am supposed to be working on? I should start a list:

1. Learn how to relax
2. Think before you jump off of a planning bridge with no bungee cord
3. Don't assume things. Talk more than you think you should.
4. Don't leave Ender out of her crate for more than thirty minutes with a full bag of unopened cat litter
5. KITTEHS

Anti-Thanksgiving

This year, we were supposed to go to Corpus Christi for two days for Thanksgiving. But Henri decided he was more interested in vomiting for 6 hours. So instead of Thanksgiving, we had anti-Thanksgiving. At least Henri did. I secretly ate. And slept all day. So we have been sleeping and generally unproductive (in Cypress) for the past two days instead of the traditional holiday. Lots of snuggling has made everything turn out okay.

Whenever I start packing to go on a trip, Kraken realizes that a car trip looms and quickly finds a hiding spot. Usually, I am privy to her scheming, but this time she found a really good hiding spot under my "new" recliner. Although it would not have been impossible to get her out, I decided to let Kraken have a win and let her stay there while we are in Houston. Luckily my awesome friend Kat is checking to make sure she doesn't turn into a pumpkin. Or a stapler.

I always thought that vet school would make me more focused. Like magic. But all that vet school has taught me is that magic doesn't exist, that there is no one magical thing I can do to make all my problems go away. The answer is always hard work. Boo! But vet school has taught me to "find the joy". This semester I have been finding the joy in:

• my 4! animals
• my 5th animal (Henri)
• my vet school "fill-in" friends
• hearing the whole class WHOOP after "beat the hell outta t.u.," then following up with a singular "hook 'em"
• actually knowing the definitions of words spoken on the TV show House
• passing grades (well, except that one Immuno test... and Physio test. oops)
• studying-induced dementia
• sangria
  

Conquering anxiety...

is a lifelong battle. Of course the therapists would tell me not to fight it, just to accept it and move on. But I'm a really combative person. Guess I'll have to work on that too. By the time I conquer OCD, I'll just be a perfect person all-around.

I never thought that moving or a change of scenery would initiate my concealed panic attacks. I just moved to College Station, and started my first vet school related class, and went from living with Henri to living by myself. I'm a little crazy right now. Now that I think of it, all of my worst obsessional episodes started with a similar change: moving to Austin for undergrad, moving back to Houston for the summer, starting Longhorn Band, studying abroad, moving to Port Aransas. I've always considered myself to be a nomadic person, but apparently moving stresses me out more than I thought. For such an introspective person, I really don't know myself that well. I'm getting better.

One thing that is keeping me human here is Ender. She is becoming a total sweetheart post ovary removal. This morning I put food out for her, but she just sat and stared at me until I laid down and snuggled with her for a few minutes. Then she ate.

Reasons Not to Get a Puppy

(get a dog instead)

1. morning face chomping
2. new ear piercings
3. cat weight loss (from running so much)
4. poop
5. poop
6. poop
7. poop on your backpack
8. urine in your suitcase
9. urine on your backpack
10. urine on your cat tent
11. urine in the bathtub (I can't even be mad about that one)
12. urine on the puppy's face, when she sticks it in another dog's stream
13. your socks are permanently a yellow shade
14. holes in the bottom of every single pair of pants you own
15. your water bowl doubles as a lap pool
16. your toilet bowl doubles as a diving pool
17. you fully understand the reason behind pet deposits
18. your puppy continuously uses the "outdoor button" aka door stop
19. she only uses the bathroom 30% of the time you respond to said button
17. she uses the bathroom inside 100% of the time you don't respond
18. your puppy barks the entire hour of puppy class
19. afterwards, the trainer asks you if you realize what you got yourself into
20. and you have to admit, yes, and we're really that stupid.

or lucky ;)




21.

Life

You're always working and you hate it.
I'm never working and I hate it.

You never want to play,
I always want to play.

You're always frustrated.
I'm always frustrated.
At least we have something in common.

When you come home, I want to play
but you are always focused on something else.
I thought making dailykos go away might make that something me.
but now it's your program.

maybe it's just that I stopped taking my medicine
but I am sad and a little afraid.
when do we get to be happy when we come home at night? will it change when we start working?
or is this what happiness is supposed to be?
it's not to me.
I miss you.

How is married life?

I get that question a lot. Honestly, I put into a circular file along with "Are you excited about the wedding?", "Your big day is coming up!", "It's whatever YOU want", "It's your day!" and "Congratulations!". Not that I blame anyone. Before I got married I asked the same questions in an attempt to show interest or make someone feel special. But once it starts happening to you, you start hearing the same questions over and over again until they just start to sound like "wah wah wah" Charlie Brown, you know. Now that I've been through it, I like to ask a prospective bride bizarre, entertaining, or personal questions - of course depending on our relationship - anything that's not about the wedding. Because if she's like me, the last thing on her mind is the wedding. Perhaps she's thinking about the injured foster kitten at home that's near death, or how much she has to study in order to pass her next biochem test, or what she should write about on her vet school application, or what she's going to do in the off chance she doesn't get into vet school (don't worry, she does). She's thinking about life, which revolves around her, and her significant other. Not the wedding. Don't get me wrong, it's important. But we've pretty much been married before we said I love you the first time. It's in the way we treat each other. Not the wedding colors, or the cake, or the type of bustle on the dress. It's us. And we are way cooler than a wedding. So be brave, ask me a harder or stranger or more entertaining question. I love a challenge.

Death and Destruction

I almost ran over a blind person today. I was driving down W. Anderson going about 40 mph and I saw a presumably blind person being led by her cute dog. I was thinking while slowing a bit, wouldn't it be terrible if that dog led her into traffic... and it started to right before I went past. I slammed on my brakes and honked my horn. The sound of the horn made the woman jump out of the way. Scared the shit out of me. I felt most sorry for the dog for almost being the cause of it's companion's death. Something wrong with me I guess.

And now some obligatory foster kitten pictures, to lighten the mood...